Humble in Forgivness

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
*I love this passage*

Forgiveness is something that I have always had a hard time with, both, my place in it and Gods place in it.

When I first became a Christian, I felt it laid on my heart to start forgiving people who have done me wrong and in return, I have done wrong to as well. So in my attempt to do so, I wrote "mental" letters to a few people. I told them that I forgave them and I apologized and asked for there forgiveness as well. After I released these things out loud, I felt better. Or so I thought....

This past fall, just a couple months ago, I ran into one of my 'letters'. And I was fine...until...they seen me, and whispered to the people that they were with. And in the most obvious way! That was all it took! I had hate in my heart for them all over again, I was mad and frustrated. I was also disappointed in myself for not actually overcoming these feelings. I then realized that I never really forgave them.Why? I haven't seen them in 8 years. What is it that I cant get over it? I wasn't the one that mad the offence in the first place, I had done nothing to that person, yet what they had said then about me still hurts me today, why? And seeing that they are still living in the past, brought me right back with them.

Because that is who I am, I often times forget that, that is who God is NOT.
Because we are powerless, we are unable to forget our pasts. It is the mighty power of God that allows us to move forward. Most of us will never forget our offences or those of others, but God takes the feelings away. He makes us forget the feeling it gave us. In that way, we forgive, we forget, and we move forward.

I have a bad habit of questioning my forgiveness from God. Because I am a shallow person, my mind has a hard time understanding that God isn't. I'm afraid that I may feel forgiven, but then He looks at me and sees me whispering, and then He remembers what I did, and takes it back.

I am learning that true forgiveness starts with me. I need to first forgive myself for any wrong on my part. Then I need to sort through my feelings and figure out why I have those particular ones about the situation. Then, I need to bring them to the Lord. I need to ask Him why I feel this way, to show me if there is more that I need to know, and then for Him to forgive me.

Yes, Jesus forgives all sin/offences. And He even forgets-like- doesn't know what you are talking about if you ask Him. How awesome is that? That is something only the most perfect can do.
But..I forgot to do my part. I just selfishly asked for forgiveness. I didn't mean it, I just wanted to not feel that way anymore. But there was more to it, I needed to figure out why I felt the way I did, and I needed to ask God if there was something else that I needed to learn from it.

One thing that I did learn...I needed to ask God to forgive her also. I learned that she wasn't changed about me, and that I needed to humble myself and let go of pride- for her.

Forgiveness starts with us, we forgive ourselves first, then the other person. Then we ask God to forgive both of us.
We can't forgive the other person and not our self, and we cant forgive ourselves and not the other person. And when any one person offends someone else, it is against God, therefore we must ask Him to also forgive.

Put your pride down, and humble yourself in forgiveness!