So, last Friday night at church there was a singles night called SingledOut. Its not a dating service, in fact...I'm really unsure of what it is they do. Anywho, I went. While I was sitting there they gave me a pen. The pen read "Singled Out for Gods Purpose". I sat there and looked at it for a minute and stuffed it in my purse and didn't think twice about it.
On my way home from dropping off my friend that went with that pen came to my mind. I started thinking about why I am single and how I got here and I started getting mad and upset. So, I turned off the radio and started talking out loud, hoping God would jump into the conversation. Nope...He didn't, He actually waited until I calmed down and spoke kindly to Him. I love Him! ;)
As I drove and talked with God about my purpose for being single and why did my marriage end the way it did, He reminded me that I showed Troy where to find Him at. That Troy would not have otherwise found Him. That I was faithful to Him and so I fulfilled my purpose for that time. "But what is my purpose now" "What is my next mission" "Why, why, why..."
He kept asking me if I trust in Him. And then reminded me of the song that I last blogged, which happens to be a song that I have been living by these last couple months. "Yes, I remember Father, and yes, I trust you".
From that point on I knew it was Gods plan for me to where I am at. I know it is my job to remain faithful to Him and seek Him wholeheartedly everyday. He also told me that for now my purpose it to help lead unbelievers to Him, no matter how hard it rains on me. I thought for a minute, "yeah right...me"? And again, He asked if I trust Him.
I have to admit, when they gave me that pen I thought, "geez, why not just stamp 'SINGLE' on our foreheads!". But, without that pen, I might still be wondering if I am fulfilling one of Gods plans for my life. I love the way He works, and I am happy to report that a friend of mine, who by the way hasn't gone to church in many years, has started attending with me! Praise God! He is so faithful!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Bring the Rain
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Is the Lord God Almighty
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Is the Lord God Almighty
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Dressed for Success
I realized that I never did share with you how I became involved in Dressed for Success. Let me share:
It was on a Wednesday morning on my way to Heartstrings, the last study before summer break. As I'm driving down the road and thinking about all the problems in my life and how they seemed to be one right after another...my marriage, house payment, gas/electric bill, price of gas, I also remembered that I would soon have to buy my oldest son summer clothes ( his can be passed down to the middle brother). So I proceeded to tell God just what I thought about all this stuff going on in my life and how unfair I thought is was.
God was very kind in letting me rant and rave half way to Rock Island, until he literally stopped me dead in my tracks, and so softly asked me to look at my blessings. He asked me to look at all the things that he has provided for my family, and reminded me that some parents don't have a car to drive, some families don't even have homes, and some children wont even get hand-me-downs to wear. And to be perfectly honest, at the risk of seeming cold hearted, I shrugged it off, maybe even in thinking that I deserved and worked for what I had.
So I get to Heartstrings and sure enough as God would have it, the lesson was on giving extreme. The kind of giving that no one can understand, the kind that people scratch their heads and think "why are you doing that?". So needless to say, I felt an overwhelming sense of conviction through the entire study.
Now on a typical morning at our table we are all chatty, and for this being the last one for the summer you would think that we would have a lot to say, but, we all sat there silent. To me it felt like 20 minutes of quiet but, it was probably only about 2 minutes, and that is because the whole time I sat there in silence all I could hear was Gods soft voice telling me to share what was laid on my heart, to share our conversation on the way there, to share my convictions. So, I did. One of our pastors wife sits at our table and in complete shock, told me that one of the ladies in the office at the church had a similar "vision"(if you will) from God and told me that I had to meet her. I walked over and met Amanda, we got together, and Dressed for Success was born.
Today, after a lot of hard work, we got to hand out clothes to children who needed them. We went to Monroe school on 4th street in Davenport. 96% of children enrolled in Monroe are at or below poverty line. That number breaks my heart. We had 100 children come through and get an outfit, sock and underwear. Of course I wished for a bigger turn out, but I believe we helped the families that were needing it the most. I believe that God used us for a great purpose and that He will continue to bless this ministry.
Here is my conviction and my inspiration:
3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his (Jesus) head.
4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.
6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."
Mark 14:3-9
It was her giving that is beautiful. Her love, her faithfulness...she wasn't concerned what others would think, she was giving only to please Jesus, nothing was wasted to her. I think that if she had another jar she might have even washed his feet with it.
It was on a Wednesday morning on my way to Heartstrings, the last study before summer break. As I'm driving down the road and thinking about all the problems in my life and how they seemed to be one right after another...my marriage, house payment, gas/electric bill, price of gas, I also remembered that I would soon have to buy my oldest son summer clothes ( his can be passed down to the middle brother). So I proceeded to tell God just what I thought about all this stuff going on in my life and how unfair I thought is was.
God was very kind in letting me rant and rave half way to Rock Island, until he literally stopped me dead in my tracks, and so softly asked me to look at my blessings. He asked me to look at all the things that he has provided for my family, and reminded me that some parents don't have a car to drive, some families don't even have homes, and some children wont even get hand-me-downs to wear. And to be perfectly honest, at the risk of seeming cold hearted, I shrugged it off, maybe even in thinking that I deserved and worked for what I had.
So I get to Heartstrings and sure enough as God would have it, the lesson was on giving extreme. The kind of giving that no one can understand, the kind that people scratch their heads and think "why are you doing that?". So needless to say, I felt an overwhelming sense of conviction through the entire study.
Now on a typical morning at our table we are all chatty, and for this being the last one for the summer you would think that we would have a lot to say, but, we all sat there silent. To me it felt like 20 minutes of quiet but, it was probably only about 2 minutes, and that is because the whole time I sat there in silence all I could hear was Gods soft voice telling me to share what was laid on my heart, to share our conversation on the way there, to share my convictions. So, I did. One of our pastors wife sits at our table and in complete shock, told me that one of the ladies in the office at the church had a similar "vision"(if you will) from God and told me that I had to meet her. I walked over and met Amanda, we got together, and Dressed for Success was born.
Today, after a lot of hard work, we got to hand out clothes to children who needed them. We went to Monroe school on 4th street in Davenport. 96% of children enrolled in Monroe are at or below poverty line. That number breaks my heart. We had 100 children come through and get an outfit, sock and underwear. Of course I wished for a bigger turn out, but I believe we helped the families that were needing it the most. I believe that God used us for a great purpose and that He will continue to bless this ministry.
Here is my conviction and my inspiration:
3While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his (Jesus) head.
4Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? 5It could have been sold for more than a year's wages and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.
6"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 7The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. 8She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. 9I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her."
Mark 14:3-9
It was her giving that is beautiful. Her love, her faithfulness...she wasn't concerned what others would think, she was giving only to please Jesus, nothing was wasted to her. I think that if she had another jar she might have even washed his feet with it.
Monday, August 4, 2008
I Do Believe
"I do believe; help me to overcome my unbelief"
Mark 9:24
I do...I truly believe that God has a plan for me, but still there is unbelief.
"For I know the plans I have for you....plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Jeremiah 29:11
I believe that...I truly believe it, but still there is unbelief.
I sat down here wanting answers to these questions:
-why are people so mean?
-why is my marriage ending?
-why did he cheat?
-why did I have to see what I did?
- why me?
-what are You teaching me?
I sat down here wanting to put God in a box, that is all I wanted to do. I wanted Him to give me the answers to all 6 questions in full detail so that I can mark it in my Day Planner and go to sleep.
But that is not what He wants from me.
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you...and bring you back from captivity"
Jeremiah 29:12-14
I would never ask for His help if I had His Day Planner, why would I? As much as I just don't get God, I get Him...make sense? I will never understand why He allows certain things to happen in our lives, but at the same time I kind of do understand. Because He loves us, he wants the absolute best for us.
This post may not make any sense to you, and I will share more about it soon. I am still trying to digest the things that are happening in my life right now. You probably see where this story is heading if you read my questions to God.
Father God,
Thank you so much for loving me,
thank you for everything you have given me and everything you will give,
Father, I pray and ask that you help me to be a woman with integrity,
with love and compassion for people just as you do for me.
Father help me to see that you want the best for me when I cant see your truth,
Help me to hear your voice when I cant hear
and help me to believe when I have unbelief,
I pray and ask these things in Jesus name,
Amen
Mark 9:24
I do...I truly believe that God has a plan for me, but still there is unbelief.
"For I know the plans I have for you....plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
Jeremiah 29:11
I believe that...I truly believe it, but still there is unbelief.
I sat down here wanting answers to these questions:
-why are people so mean?
-why is my marriage ending?
-why did he cheat?
-why did I have to see what I did?
- why me?
-what are You teaching me?
I sat down here wanting to put God in a box, that is all I wanted to do. I wanted Him to give me the answers to all 6 questions in full detail so that I can mark it in my Day Planner and go to sleep.
But that is not what He wants from me.
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you...and bring you back from captivity"
Jeremiah 29:12-14
I would never ask for His help if I had His Day Planner, why would I? As much as I just don't get God, I get Him...make sense? I will never understand why He allows certain things to happen in our lives, but at the same time I kind of do understand. Because He loves us, he wants the absolute best for us.
This post may not make any sense to you, and I will share more about it soon. I am still trying to digest the things that are happening in my life right now. You probably see where this story is heading if you read my questions to God.
Father God,
Thank you so much for loving me,
thank you for everything you have given me and everything you will give,
Father, I pray and ask that you help me to be a woman with integrity,
with love and compassion for people just as you do for me.
Father help me to see that you want the best for me when I cant see your truth,
Help me to hear your voice when I cant hear
and help me to believe when I have unbelief,
I pray and ask these things in Jesus name,
Amen
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Ignite Chicago
Even though I have a sunburn from standing outside for over 10 hours, I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. WOW! is all I can say.
This past Sunday a couple of us girls went to Chicago for a Christian concert event called Ignite Chicago. We got to see Superchic, Todd Agnew, Hawk Nelson...oh yeah, and my fav, David Crowder and Mercy Me!!!!! WooHoo! Oh it was amazing. Let me just say that when there are over 3,000 people singing "I can only imagine" it felt like maybe a glimpse of heaven, angels singing to the King....yeah, it was great.
After we left we had gone to Applebee's to eat before heading back to the great QCA and it really hit me. I was thinking about the bands and there very apparent love for Christ. I was taken back by the fact that these people were given such a wonderful gift of musical talent and how they are using it to glorify the One who gave it to them. Some people have no idea who any of these bands are. Why? My guess is that it is because they are Christian bands. But, instead of putting there focus on making music for money, they are making music for God, to lead more of the lost to the One who saves. And I just think that is awesome. They didn't sell out for the world and worldly things, they are not afraid nor ashamed to stand on stage and sing praise to Him.
I left there very encouraged. I left there wanting more out of my relationship with Jesus, more intimacy. I want to walk deeper in my faith and I want to be proud of who I am in Christ, not that I'm not proud now, but, I don't want to walk on this "ho hum" path anymore. I just want more!!
I bought a Mercy Me tee-shirt that has Romans 12:2 and it is perfect.
2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
That is my prayer for all of us. That we stand up and out for who we believe in. That we find our gifts that He has given us and we use them to glorify Him, he deserves it!!
This past Sunday a couple of us girls went to Chicago for a Christian concert event called Ignite Chicago. We got to see Superchic, Todd Agnew, Hawk Nelson...oh yeah, and my fav, David Crowder and Mercy Me!!!!! WooHoo! Oh it was amazing. Let me just say that when there are over 3,000 people singing "I can only imagine" it felt like maybe a glimpse of heaven, angels singing to the King....yeah, it was great.
After we left we had gone to Applebee's to eat before heading back to the great QCA and it really hit me. I was thinking about the bands and there very apparent love for Christ. I was taken back by the fact that these people were given such a wonderful gift of musical talent and how they are using it to glorify the One who gave it to them. Some people have no idea who any of these bands are. Why? My guess is that it is because they are Christian bands. But, instead of putting there focus on making music for money, they are making music for God, to lead more of the lost to the One who saves. And I just think that is awesome. They didn't sell out for the world and worldly things, they are not afraid nor ashamed to stand on stage and sing praise to Him.
I left there very encouraged. I left there wanting more out of my relationship with Jesus, more intimacy. I want to walk deeper in my faith and I want to be proud of who I am in Christ, not that I'm not proud now, but, I don't want to walk on this "ho hum" path anymore. I just want more!!
I bought a Mercy Me tee-shirt that has Romans 12:2 and it is perfect.
2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
That is my prayer for all of us. That we stand up and out for who we believe in. That we find our gifts that He has given us and we use them to glorify Him, he deserves it!!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Dressed for Success
Hello Everyone!
I want to let everyone know that I am apart of "Dressed for Success". What we are doing is putting together a kind of clothing drive for children who would more than likely go to school wearing torn and tattered clothing. In the Quad Cities there are over 10,000 children that are on free or reduced lunch! 10,000! That is huge, and that is only grades K-6.
God has really laid it on my heart, along with my friend Amanda, to help these kids. But, in order to make it happen we need help. We will take help however you can give it. I am asking you because God has called me to do so. I am taking a giant step out of my comfort zone by doing this drive!!! Please walk with us to make a difference in these children's lives.
We could use help:
-collecting clothes on August 1st and 2nd at the malls
-sorting clothes
-laundering clothes
-on the actual hand out
We also are looking for people who want to give, either there gently used kids clothes or a money donation. Also packages of socks and underwear.
Please, if you or someone you know would be interested in becoming apart of this ministry in any way, or for more information feel free to call me, Sarah at 563-676-9313
Thank you so much for reading my blog!
Pray for this ministry, God has already done amazing things so far. I know he has more in store for us though! He is soooo good!!!!!!
God Bless,
Sarah
I want to let everyone know that I am apart of "Dressed for Success". What we are doing is putting together a kind of clothing drive for children who would more than likely go to school wearing torn and tattered clothing. In the Quad Cities there are over 10,000 children that are on free or reduced lunch! 10,000! That is huge, and that is only grades K-6.
God has really laid it on my heart, along with my friend Amanda, to help these kids. But, in order to make it happen we need help. We will take help however you can give it. I am asking you because God has called me to do so. I am taking a giant step out of my comfort zone by doing this drive!!! Please walk with us to make a difference in these children's lives.
We could use help:
-collecting clothes on August 1st and 2nd at the malls
-sorting clothes
-laundering clothes
-on the actual hand out
We also are looking for people who want to give, either there gently used kids clothes or a money donation. Also packages of socks and underwear.
Please, if you or someone you know would be interested in becoming apart of this ministry in any way, or for more information feel free to call me, Sarah at 563-676-9313
Thank you so much for reading my blog!
Pray for this ministry, God has already done amazing things so far. I know he has more in store for us though! He is soooo good!!!!!!
God Bless,
Sarah
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Even at the Bar
Ok, Now I'm really really REALLY sorry!
I just want to share a quick story.
So, I have a friend from my hometown (Rockford) that is getting married. And, being the good friend that I am I came up for the bacholorette party last night. Lets just say...Uhgh!
I spent last night bar hopping and driving drunk people around, drunk women at that! Not fun.
I'm sure that I don't need to tell you all what I seen last night. To simplify it, it was worldly behavior.
This morning I sat wishing I could have my 6 hours back from last night. I would have got to bed at a decent time and I could have spent more time with my baby and my parents that I don't get to see every often.
But, now, I see that God taught me something from last night. He taught me just how much he loves me. In a way that I wouldn't have learned if I didn't go.
Last night I didn't want to go, I have been dreading it for a over a month. But God used it. He chose that moment to show me what his grace and mercy is all about. And so now, I know that going last night played an important part in my spiritual growth.
All I can say is praise the Lord for how good he is! His grace for us is more than I can understand.
"Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me
Your grace is enough, heavens reaching down to us! "
I just want to share a quick story.
So, I have a friend from my hometown (Rockford) that is getting married. And, being the good friend that I am I came up for the bacholorette party last night. Lets just say...Uhgh!
I spent last night bar hopping and driving drunk people around, drunk women at that! Not fun.
I'm sure that I don't need to tell you all what I seen last night. To simplify it, it was worldly behavior.
This morning I sat wishing I could have my 6 hours back from last night. I would have got to bed at a decent time and I could have spent more time with my baby and my parents that I don't get to see every often.
But, now, I see that God taught me something from last night. He taught me just how much he loves me. In a way that I wouldn't have learned if I didn't go.
Last night I didn't want to go, I have been dreading it for a over a month. But God used it. He chose that moment to show me what his grace and mercy is all about. And so now, I know that going last night played an important part in my spiritual growth.
All I can say is praise the Lord for how good he is! His grace for us is more than I can understand.
"Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me
Your grace is enough, heavens reaching down to us! "
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sorry Everyone!
I first need to say that I am sorry for not posting anything in a while. So...I'm sorry!
I have been going through a tough time in my marriage lately so my mind is always focused on that. I have however been in prayer more and have started to learn how to "listen" more, which neither I have been very good at. But, there is something else I would like to address tonight.
I'm really not sure how to put this so I'm just going to shoot for it.
Just because I am a Christian, doesn't make me immune to bad feelings and sin.
I have been asked many times by people, "How can you have feelings like that, your a Christian right?", "What does God say about you saying/feeling that?" and "Where is God at while you feel/say those things?".
When I am asked questions like that I instantly get mad. I don't understand why people think that just because you are a Christian that you have a force field around you. Yes, Christ gives us amazing weapons to use to fight the battle, but we still have to see the enemy approaching. But even then sometimes we lose. Some battles are not to be won by us. What good would it do me to be protected from every harmful feeling or from every evil temptation? If God sheltered me from this world, then what am I learning? Would I cling to Him as much as I do if my life were easy and protected? Probably not.
I truly believe that God uses all our failures for his good. When we see peoples failures with the eyes of the world we think "man, hes got some bad luck", but when we see others failures through the eyes of Christ we think "man, Gods got a plan for him".
I don't know if any of that made sense to you, and sorry if it didn't. I just felt the need to say that failure, bad feelings, even feelings of hatred are things that we are not immune from. They are very real to every human, even if you are a Christian. Just remember, God can use that!
I have been going through a tough time in my marriage lately so my mind is always focused on that. I have however been in prayer more and have started to learn how to "listen" more, which neither I have been very good at. But, there is something else I would like to address tonight.
I'm really not sure how to put this so I'm just going to shoot for it.
Just because I am a Christian, doesn't make me immune to bad feelings and sin.
I have been asked many times by people, "How can you have feelings like that, your a Christian right?", "What does God say about you saying/feeling that?" and "Where is God at while you feel/say those things?".
When I am asked questions like that I instantly get mad. I don't understand why people think that just because you are a Christian that you have a force field around you. Yes, Christ gives us amazing weapons to use to fight the battle, but we still have to see the enemy approaching. But even then sometimes we lose. Some battles are not to be won by us. What good would it do me to be protected from every harmful feeling or from every evil temptation? If God sheltered me from this world, then what am I learning? Would I cling to Him as much as I do if my life were easy and protected? Probably not.
I truly believe that God uses all our failures for his good. When we see peoples failures with the eyes of the world we think "man, hes got some bad luck", but when we see others failures through the eyes of Christ we think "man, Gods got a plan for him".
I don't know if any of that made sense to you, and sorry if it didn't. I just felt the need to say that failure, bad feelings, even feelings of hatred are things that we are not immune from. They are very real to every human, even if you are a Christian. Just remember, God can use that!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Teaching the Unteachable
My only question this morning was "what in the world are You trying to teach me today?".
6am, Sam (my baby-who is teething by the way) wakes up.
6:45am, Zach (my 7yr old) wakes up and wants breakfast.
7am, Austin (my 5yr old) wakes up and is in a great mood (which is NOT normal for him).
7:10am, Zach is throwing a fit because the only thing we have to eat for breakfast is Cheerios (which by the way he LOVES- just not today).
7:30am, Grandpa pick up the boys to take them to school.
7:31am, aahhhhh.....breath Sarah.....
Then, I feed Sam a bottle, take a shower, get dresses, do my hair and make-up and get Sam ready and....
8:30am, WOW!! I'm never ready by 8:30! Woohoo! "I'm going to be on time"!
8:31am-9:05am,
-go to take a basket of table clothes out to the car and I notice the snow isn't shoveled.
-take the basket back inside, grab the shovel (which by the way is freezing cold) and attempt to clear a walk- with no gloves because I couldn't find any.
-go back and grab the basket and take it to the car (with freezing cold hands that I can't feel)
-get Sam in his car seat and pack the diaper bag.
-while Sam is crying because he hates the car seat, I am looking for my bible.
-I go up-stairs, no, I look down-stairs, no, then I go up one more time, still no.
-I remember that should probably grab a couple of tampons (sorry for the details), so I go back up-stairs...
-Duh...there is my bible, on the stairs (remember I passed it like 4 times), grab the tampons.
-"Mmm... maybe I should put on a pad-just in case" (sorry again).
-go into the bathroom,put on a pad, pull up my undies and the pad was all the way in the front. "ok, not going to work"
-I tried to adjust it but it got all stuck together, so...
-I put a different one on, that one was all the way in back "geez, whats the deal", tried to fix that one and it got stuck together...
-Tried another one and the wings stuck to the bottom before I could even try to stick to my undies!!! "what the..... AAAHHHH!!"
-Last chance, I stuck it on first and then I pulled of the paper for the wings, " 'bout time!"
-Get Sam in the car and go to lock up the house and my house key wasn't were it usually is.
-So now I'm searching frantically (while on the phone with my mom who called at the ever so perfect time) for my key, "ok, found it in my purse"
-I get in the car and turn on the wipers and there stuck to the window. "PERFECT"!!!
-I start taking some aggression out on the ice stuck on the window to free the wipers. "MOM, I GOTTA GO"!
-Finally, they are free. I get in the car and look at the clock.
" 9:10!! CRAP! I'm going to be late"! (that is nothing new though)
-The whole time I was planning on getting a latte before bible study but now all I want is a sausage muffin and a coke!
-The man that cut in front of me while pulling into McDonald's didn't know what he wanted, of course
-And, in addition to all the pot holes I was trying to avoid on Locust St., there was a man driving in the middle of the road so that he was avoiding them, thus keeping traffic at a cool 28mph!
-In front of Duck Creek Park, I threw up my hands and asked "What in the world are You trying to teach me today?" and I said "I'm giving this to You, I am so frustrated right now, please, take it, I give it to You, teach me something!!!"
9:35am, I pull up to church. Only 5 minutes late!
Looking back at my morning, I can see were He was teaching me things. I thought that it was patience, but, it was more than that. Yes, patience was one of them, but also I learned something about dependence on Him, in everything I do, in everything. I also learned that I am not in control, He is! As soon as I gave up control, the rest of the ride there was smooth as silk, He is in control always!
God is so amazing! I am praising Him so much more after the morning that I had than any other morning before. "Thank you so much Lord, for loving me enough to teach me when I feel unteachable! I love you! You are so amazing! Thank you!"
6am, Sam (my baby-who is teething by the way) wakes up.
6:45am, Zach (my 7yr old) wakes up and wants breakfast.
7am, Austin (my 5yr old) wakes up and is in a great mood (which is NOT normal for him).
7:10am, Zach is throwing a fit because the only thing we have to eat for breakfast is Cheerios (which by the way he LOVES- just not today).
7:30am, Grandpa pick up the boys to take them to school.
7:31am, aahhhhh.....breath Sarah.....
Then, I feed Sam a bottle, take a shower, get dresses, do my hair and make-up and get Sam ready and....
8:30am, WOW!! I'm never ready by 8:30! Woohoo! "I'm going to be on time"!
8:31am-9:05am,
-go to take a basket of table clothes out to the car and I notice the snow isn't shoveled.
-take the basket back inside, grab the shovel (which by the way is freezing cold) and attempt to clear a walk- with no gloves because I couldn't find any.
-go back and grab the basket and take it to the car (with freezing cold hands that I can't feel)
-get Sam in his car seat and pack the diaper bag.
-while Sam is crying because he hates the car seat, I am looking for my bible.
-I go up-stairs, no, I look down-stairs, no, then I go up one more time, still no.
-I remember that should probably grab a couple of tampons (sorry for the details), so I go back up-stairs...
-Duh...there is my bible, on the stairs (remember I passed it like 4 times), grab the tampons.
-"Mmm... maybe I should put on a pad-just in case" (sorry again).
-go into the bathroom,put on a pad, pull up my undies and the pad was all the way in the front. "ok, not going to work"
-I tried to adjust it but it got all stuck together, so...
-I put a different one on, that one was all the way in back "geez, whats the deal", tried to fix that one and it got stuck together...
-Tried another one and the wings stuck to the bottom before I could even try to stick to my undies!!! "what the..... AAAHHHH!!"
-Last chance, I stuck it on first and then I pulled of the paper for the wings, " 'bout time!"
-Get Sam in the car and go to lock up the house and my house key wasn't were it usually is.
-So now I'm searching frantically (while on the phone with my mom who called at the ever so perfect time) for my key, "ok, found it in my purse"
-I get in the car and turn on the wipers and there stuck to the window. "PERFECT"!!!
-I start taking some aggression out on the ice stuck on the window to free the wipers. "MOM, I GOTTA GO"!
-Finally, they are free. I get in the car and look at the clock.
" 9:10!! CRAP! I'm going to be late"! (that is nothing new though)
-The whole time I was planning on getting a latte before bible study but now all I want is a sausage muffin and a coke!
-The man that cut in front of me while pulling into McDonald's didn't know what he wanted, of course
-And, in addition to all the pot holes I was trying to avoid on Locust St., there was a man driving in the middle of the road so that he was avoiding them, thus keeping traffic at a cool 28mph!
-In front of Duck Creek Park, I threw up my hands and asked "What in the world are You trying to teach me today?" and I said "I'm giving this to You, I am so frustrated right now, please, take it, I give it to You, teach me something!!!"
9:35am, I pull up to church. Only 5 minutes late!
Looking back at my morning, I can see were He was teaching me things. I thought that it was patience, but, it was more than that. Yes, patience was one of them, but also I learned something about dependence on Him, in everything I do, in everything. I also learned that I am not in control, He is! As soon as I gave up control, the rest of the ride there was smooth as silk, He is in control always!
God is so amazing! I am praising Him so much more after the morning that I had than any other morning before. "Thank you so much Lord, for loving me enough to teach me when I feel unteachable! I love you! You are so amazing! Thank you!"
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sealed With A Kiss of Forgiveness
On November 10th, 2003 I got engaged to a guy that I was head-over-heals in love with. We were going to get married in July '04. We had alot of the wedding planned, I even had a beautiful dress. I thought for sure that we would be together forever! He loved my kids and they loved him. He told me that he would never let anything come between us, and I believed him.
Two weeks after the New Year, He called off the wedding. I was devastated. He never really gave me a reason. When he did it, he did it with such...with...no emotion. Like he knew all along that he was going to do this.
I was still in love with him. Honestly, there will always be a place in my heart for him, just not the same place that it once was.
About 7 months after he broke my heart, he called me. Because I was stupid and still loving him, I played his games. He loved me-he loved me not....on and off.
Eventually my devastation turned into pure hatred. I wished nothing but bad things to happen to him. I hoped that he was miserable and lived a miserable life for the rest of it. I felt so good when I would hear how unhappy he was, actually, nothing gave me better joy at the time! Hearing about his failed relationships..."ahhh! getting what he deserves" is what I would be thinking.
I blogged once about how I wrote some people "mental letters" of forgiveness. I wrote about how I "sent" one to a girl and I hadnt felt that it worked. Well, he was one of my letters also.
Now, I have to see this man once a year, every year. His sister-in-law is one of my good friends and on her sons birthday we are both there at the same time.
This past year at the party, I seen him. He did not even acknowledge I was there. Which was ok by me. But, something was different this time that seperated it from the the other birthday parties. I was feeling forgiveness towards him. But not fully forgiven him. It was like a work in progress. I knew I needed to do more to let this burden go that has been holding me down for 4 years. But I was too scared. I thought that he wouldnt understand or think I was a psycho or something. So, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Until....
Last week on the radio the song "I'm not who I was" by Brandon Heath came on. Every single word in it was everything that I wanted to say to him.
Two days ago, I got a message from him. Just asking how I have been doing. Here was my chance, my God given chance to set this burden free. To let him know that I have truely forgiven him, and that I'm not who I was then. Do you think I had enough guts to tell him?
Well, I did!!! Today I sent him a message with the lyrics to that song. I told him that I have felt this way for a while but was too scared to contact him. I havent heard anything back from him yet, but, its ok if I dont. I feel that I did what God wanted me to do, so that I can move forward with my growth spiritually. Its amazing how much unforgieness holds us back from feeling Gods love and grace.
In one of his messages he said something about his marriage, and just from knowing his family I heard that its not going well. My heart breaks for him. Hearing that he is unhappy, and knowing that he doesnt have a relationship with Christ just hurts me deeply.
It actually saddens my soul...that is how I know I have truely forgiven him.
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was
I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so
I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was
When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you
I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was
I
was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello
Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
Two weeks after the New Year, He called off the wedding. I was devastated. He never really gave me a reason. When he did it, he did it with such...with...no emotion. Like he knew all along that he was going to do this.
I was still in love with him. Honestly, there will always be a place in my heart for him, just not the same place that it once was.
About 7 months after he broke my heart, he called me. Because I was stupid and still loving him, I played his games. He loved me-he loved me not....on and off.
Eventually my devastation turned into pure hatred. I wished nothing but bad things to happen to him. I hoped that he was miserable and lived a miserable life for the rest of it. I felt so good when I would hear how unhappy he was, actually, nothing gave me better joy at the time! Hearing about his failed relationships..."ahhh! getting what he deserves" is what I would be thinking.
I blogged once about how I wrote some people "mental letters" of forgiveness. I wrote about how I "sent" one to a girl and I hadnt felt that it worked. Well, he was one of my letters also.
Now, I have to see this man once a year, every year. His sister-in-law is one of my good friends and on her sons birthday we are both there at the same time.
This past year at the party, I seen him. He did not even acknowledge I was there. Which was ok by me. But, something was different this time that seperated it from the the other birthday parties. I was feeling forgiveness towards him. But not fully forgiven him. It was like a work in progress. I knew I needed to do more to let this burden go that has been holding me down for 4 years. But I was too scared. I thought that he wouldnt understand or think I was a psycho or something. So, I pushed it to the back of my mind. Until....
Last week on the radio the song "I'm not who I was" by Brandon Heath came on. Every single word in it was everything that I wanted to say to him.
Two days ago, I got a message from him. Just asking how I have been doing. Here was my chance, my God given chance to set this burden free. To let him know that I have truely forgiven him, and that I'm not who I was then. Do you think I had enough guts to tell him?
Well, I did!!! Today I sent him a message with the lyrics to that song. I told him that I have felt this way for a while but was too scared to contact him. I havent heard anything back from him yet, but, its ok if I dont. I feel that I did what God wanted me to do, so that I can move forward with my growth spiritually. Its amazing how much unforgieness holds us back from feeling Gods love and grace.
In one of his messages he said something about his marriage, and just from knowing his family I heard that its not going well. My heart breaks for him. Hearing that he is unhappy, and knowing that he doesnt have a relationship with Christ just hurts me deeply.
It actually saddens my soul...that is how I know I have truely forgiven him.
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was
I found my way around
To forgiving you
Some time ago
But I never got to tell you so
I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was
You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was
When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend
It was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you
I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was
I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was
I
was thinking maybe I
I should let you know
I am not the same
But I never did forget your name
Hello
Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about
I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was
Monday, February 4, 2008
The World is Full of It
Disappointment.
"Some disasters can be blessings, and, some blessings can be disasters". That was what I pulled out of a fortune cookie one time. I taped it on a container in the kitchen so that I would see it every now and then. Sometimes I see it at just the right time.
While emailing a friend back and forth from my group, she confessed to me that when she was originally placed at our table she was a little disappointed. The majority of our table is young mothers, but by no means is my friend too old for our table. She told me that she just felt that God would place her with older women, that "older is wiser".
When I first started Heartstrings...my 2nd session, I was disappointed. I was placed at a table with young women. I am a young woman, only 26! But I felt that "older was wiser" and that God would place me with women that I could learn from, women who were established in their faith and could teach me how to be a "perfect" Christ follower.
God always knows better than us, I have always had a hard time digesting that. No one knows me better than....well...me! Nobody. Except God.
Why dont we trust God more? Even with something as small as sitting with someone? He knew from the very begining who and why we were assigned to that table. Understanding that He is always aware of and looking out for our best interests is something so amazing. If we cant trust that we are here for His will in the small situations, than how in the world are we to trust Him in the big ones?
This disappointment however, was a true blessing, for both of us. Some of the girls from that 2nd session I still sit with and we have become great friends. We have learned so much from eachother. Although no one is a "perfect" Christ follower, we have learned together how to live a more Christ-like life.
Understanding that God sees the big picture, and that we only see the corner is probably something that I will never grasp, but allowing Him to do His work is something that I am learning to except.
"Some disasters can be blessings, and, some blessings can be disasters". That was what I pulled out of a fortune cookie one time. I taped it on a container in the kitchen so that I would see it every now and then. Sometimes I see it at just the right time.
While emailing a friend back and forth from my group, she confessed to me that when she was originally placed at our table she was a little disappointed. The majority of our table is young mothers, but by no means is my friend too old for our table. She told me that she just felt that God would place her with older women, that "older is wiser".
When I first started Heartstrings...my 2nd session, I was disappointed. I was placed at a table with young women. I am a young woman, only 26! But I felt that "older was wiser" and that God would place me with women that I could learn from, women who were established in their faith and could teach me how to be a "perfect" Christ follower.
God always knows better than us, I have always had a hard time digesting that. No one knows me better than....well...me! Nobody. Except God.
Why dont we trust God more? Even with something as small as sitting with someone? He knew from the very begining who and why we were assigned to that table. Understanding that He is always aware of and looking out for our best interests is something so amazing. If we cant trust that we are here for His will in the small situations, than how in the world are we to trust Him in the big ones?
This disappointment however, was a true blessing, for both of us. Some of the girls from that 2nd session I still sit with and we have become great friends. We have learned so much from eachother. Although no one is a "perfect" Christ follower, we have learned together how to live a more Christ-like life.
Understanding that God sees the big picture, and that we only see the corner is probably something that I will never grasp, but allowing Him to do His work is something that I am learning to except.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Will You Fight For It?
Just when I think that I am getting it...I find that I am not.
The past few weeks have been super busy for me. The worst part about it is, is that it has all been in my head. My mind has been the most busy part of me that I can't even think straight sometimes.
At my bible study this past week we were talking about Repentance and our TAWG. Time Alone With God. And what we do to make it happen everyday. What holds us back from achieving it everyday.
Repenting is not easy for anyone I think. I know that I hate to be wrong and admitting it is something that doesn't feel very good to me. I often times brush it off and think to myself that God seen what I had done so I say a quick I'm sorry and go about my life. But, it has been brought to my attention that saying I'm sorry is not something that we should say so loosely. The true meaning of "I'm Sorry" is that we sincerely mean that we will never do it again. Never again! We bump into someone at the store-"oops, I'm sorry", we are late for dinner- "oh, I'm so sorry", we break something of someones- "oh man, I'm sorry"... Why, we don't honestly mean that we will never do it again, we say it to be nice and to let the offended person know that we made a mistake.
Why don't I take more care in the way that I ask forgiveness from my Heavenly Father? I have been feeling convicted about this lately. I can not ask Him to forgive me the same way I ask other people to forgive me. He deserves a more meaningful, truly sincere I'm sorry. One that I will remember so that I can turn away from that behavior.
TAWG- that and Repentance tie together. To get to the place that I am truly sorry, I need the time alone with God. Time is something that everyone feels that they are out of. No time to do this, no time to do that...no, no, no! It is critical that we have TAWG. CRITICAL! We can not grow in the Body if we don't have time. And we can not afford to not grow. It all comes down to one question...Are we willing to fight for it?
Most of us carve out time to do devotions and bible studies, but do we carve out time to just sit with Him? To listen to His voice, and to feel His presence? And, are we carving out enough?
I am not.
I need to get in a nice quiet place, and get in my "quiet place" inside myself, and dig really deep, find the sin that God is leading me to and carry it (my cross) up my mountain of pride and set it before Him. How, after carrying that heavy burden, can I not mean what I say, when I say, "I'm sorry Father!"?
This blog is very important to me. I'm writing it because it is personal and very much a struggle in my life right now. I need to remember to fight for my time, to not let evil take it from me.
"Whatever keeps me from my Bible is my enemy, however harmless it may appear to be...Let the cares of life crowd out the Scriptures from my mind and I have suffered loss where I can least afford it." A W Tozer
The past few weeks have been super busy for me. The worst part about it is, is that it has all been in my head. My mind has been the most busy part of me that I can't even think straight sometimes.
At my bible study this past week we were talking about Repentance and our TAWG. Time Alone With God. And what we do to make it happen everyday. What holds us back from achieving it everyday.
Repenting is not easy for anyone I think. I know that I hate to be wrong and admitting it is something that doesn't feel very good to me. I often times brush it off and think to myself that God seen what I had done so I say a quick I'm sorry and go about my life. But, it has been brought to my attention that saying I'm sorry is not something that we should say so loosely. The true meaning of "I'm Sorry" is that we sincerely mean that we will never do it again. Never again! We bump into someone at the store-"oops, I'm sorry", we are late for dinner- "oh, I'm so sorry", we break something of someones- "oh man, I'm sorry"... Why, we don't honestly mean that we will never do it again, we say it to be nice and to let the offended person know that we made a mistake.
Why don't I take more care in the way that I ask forgiveness from my Heavenly Father? I have been feeling convicted about this lately. I can not ask Him to forgive me the same way I ask other people to forgive me. He deserves a more meaningful, truly sincere I'm sorry. One that I will remember so that I can turn away from that behavior.
TAWG- that and Repentance tie together. To get to the place that I am truly sorry, I need the time alone with God. Time is something that everyone feels that they are out of. No time to do this, no time to do that...no, no, no! It is critical that we have TAWG. CRITICAL! We can not grow in the Body if we don't have time. And we can not afford to not grow. It all comes down to one question...Are we willing to fight for it?
Most of us carve out time to do devotions and bible studies, but do we carve out time to just sit with Him? To listen to His voice, and to feel His presence? And, are we carving out enough?
I am not.
I need to get in a nice quiet place, and get in my "quiet place" inside myself, and dig really deep, find the sin that God is leading me to and carry it (my cross) up my mountain of pride and set it before Him. How, after carrying that heavy burden, can I not mean what I say, when I say, "I'm sorry Father!"?
This blog is very important to me. I'm writing it because it is personal and very much a struggle in my life right now. I need to remember to fight for my time, to not let evil take it from me.
"Whatever keeps me from my Bible is my enemy, however harmless it may appear to be...Let the cares of life crowd out the Scriptures from my mind and I have suffered loss where I can least afford it." A W Tozer
Monday, January 7, 2008
All I want for 2008...
Well, its a brand new year. I have been really thinking about what this new year has in store for me.
I have been growing spiritually closer to God this past year more than ever. It has been awesome! God has done some great things in my life. I have a better sense of who I am, yet, I am still learning who I am. I have felt His unconditional love, His grace and His mercy.
God has revealed things to me about myself that I need to fix. He has little by little shown me the raw truth of Sarah. Even when He shows me things that I hate to see, I love Him so much for doing it. God is that friend that tells you when you have pepper in your teeth! Only your best friends will tell you if you do, the ones that really don't matter, they wont tell you.
For 2008, I want to remember every day that God is my best friend. I want to remember that my secret is always safe with Him, and that He loves me no matter what it is. I want 2008 to bring me closer and closer to Him. I want to trust in Him with everything that I am. I want to become more aware of who I am in Christ. I want to bring people closer to Christ so that they too can have what I have. I want to learn how to love like He loves me.
I want a little more of Him in the middle of me!
Happy Belated New Year Everyone!!!!
I have been growing spiritually closer to God this past year more than ever. It has been awesome! God has done some great things in my life. I have a better sense of who I am, yet, I am still learning who I am. I have felt His unconditional love, His grace and His mercy.
God has revealed things to me about myself that I need to fix. He has little by little shown me the raw truth of Sarah. Even when He shows me things that I hate to see, I love Him so much for doing it. God is that friend that tells you when you have pepper in your teeth! Only your best friends will tell you if you do, the ones that really don't matter, they wont tell you.
For 2008, I want to remember every day that God is my best friend. I want to remember that my secret is always safe with Him, and that He loves me no matter what it is. I want 2008 to bring me closer and closer to Him. I want to trust in Him with everything that I am. I want to become more aware of who I am in Christ. I want to bring people closer to Christ so that they too can have what I have. I want to learn how to love like He loves me.
I want a little more of Him in the middle of me!
Happy Belated New Year Everyone!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
